Sexual assault is a traumatic event, and we all handle traumatic events in different ways. Though each person and situation is unique, the following list summarizes a range of reactions to sexual assault that many people feel. This list may help you know what to expect.

• Emotional shock: I feel so numb. Why am I so calm? Why can’t I cry?
• Confusion or denial: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I imagined it. It wasn’t really a sexual assault. I don’t really need help.
• Embarrassment: What will people think? I can’t tell my family or friends.
• Shame: I feel so dirty, like there is something wrong with me. I want to wash my hands or shower all the time. I feel like I have brought shame to my family.
• Guilt: I should have known better. I must have caused this to happen in some way. If only I had done something differently.
• Depression: How am I going to get through this semester? I’m so tired. All I want to do is cry and hide. I feel so helpless.
• Suicidal thoughts: Maybe I’d be better off dead.
• Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again?
• Disorientation: I don’t even know what day it is, or what class I’m supposed to be in. I can’t remember my appointments. I keep forgetting things.
• Triggers and flashbacks: I’m still re-living it. I keep seeing that face all the time.
• Fear: I’m scared of everything. What if I’m pregnant? Could I get a sexually transmitted infection (STI), or even HIV? How can I ever feel safe again? Do people realize there’s anything wrong? I can’t sleep because I know I’ll have nightmares. I’m afraid I’m going crazy. I’m afraid to go outside. I’m afraid to be alone.
• Anxiety: I’m having panic attacks. I can’t breathe! I just can’t stop shaking. I can’t sit still in class anymore. I feel overwhelmed.
• Anger: I want to harm the person who attacked me!
• Physical stress: My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I feel jittery and don’t feel like eating.

Remember, you are not to blame, even if…

• The perpetrator was an acquaintance, date, friend, or spouse.
• You had been sexually intimate with the perpetrator or with others before.
• You were drinking or using drugs.
• You froze and did not or could not say “no,” or were unable to fight back physically.
• You were wearing clothes that others could perceive as seductive.

Regardless of the circumstances, sexual assault is not your fault.

Getting back on track

It is important for you to know that any of the feelings after being sexually assaulted are normal and temporary reactions to a traumatic event. Fear and confusion will lessen with time, but the trauma may disrupt your life for a while. Reactions might be triggered by people, places, or things connected to the assault, or they might seem to come from “out of the blue.”

Talking about the assault can help you feel better, but it may be really hard to do. In fact, it’s common to want to avoid conversations and situations that may remind you of the assault. You may have a sense of wanting to “get on with life” and “let the past be the past.” This is a normal part of the recovery process and may last for weeks or months.

Eventually you will need to deal with fears and feelings in order to heal and regain a sense of control over your life. Talking with someone who can listen in an understanding and affirming ways — whether it’s a friend, member of your place of worship or community, family member, hotline-staff member, or counselor — is a key part of the healing process.

Recovering from a sexual assault is a gradual process that is different for everyone. Victims/survivors may have different needs and coping strategies, so there is not a set timeline for healing. There are many decisions to be made and many feelings to be expressed. Not all of the decisions or feelings will need to be handled at once, but rather as recovery progresses. This is a brief outline of the recovery process that many, but not necessarily all, victims/survivors go through.

I just want to forget what happened.

You may go from feeling emotionally drained, confused, and out of control to trying to forget what happened. You may begin distancing yourself from the sexual assault and outwardly appear “recovered,” but friends and family members’ support is still needed.

I’m so angry and depressed. I can’t seem to get control of my emotions.

Regardless of how hard you may try to keep the sexual assault from impacting your life, no matter how much you may deny its importance, the experience has had a profound influence. You may experience anger, depression, shame, anxiety, and feel that everything is falling apart. Recurring nightmares and flashbacks are common during this time.

Depression may cause a change in sleeping or eating patterns, and anger may be directed at the perpetrator, loved ones, or yourself. It may be difficult, at first, to feel comfortable with intimacy, including trusting people, exploring new relationships, and enjoying sexual activity, if you choose to be sexually active. Understand that this may take time. Resist being pressured to be sexually active before you are ready.

Many victims/survivors seek assistance from trained professionals who can help to put their lives back together and recover from stress related to the assault.

Life goes on and I can handle it.

You have resolved a lot of the anger and depression. The sexual assault may have changed your life, but it now plays a smaller role. You feel more in control.

Ways to take care of yourself

• Get support from friends, family, and community members. Try to identify people you trust who will validate your feelings and affirm your strengths.
• Talk about the assault and express feelings. Choose when, where, and with whom to talk about the assault, and only disclose information that feels safe for you to reveal.
• Use stress-reduction techniques. Exercise by jogging, doing aerobics, walking and practice relaxation techniques such as doing yoga, listening to music, and meditating.
• Maintain a balanced diet and a normal sleep cycle as much as possible and avoid overusing stimulants like caffeine, sugar, nicotine, or alcohol or other drugs.
• Discover your playful and creative self. Playing and creativity are important for healing from hurt.
• Take “time outs.” Give yourself permission to take quiet moments to reflect, relax, and rejuvenate, especially during times you feel stressed or unsafe.
• Try reading. Reading can be a relaxing and healing activity.
• Consider writing or journaling as a way of expressing your thoughts and feelings.
• Consider counseling.

When someone has been sexually assaulted, chances are that they will turn to a friend for help. You are an important person to the survivor; this is why the survivor shared this experience with you. Knowing how to respond will be very helpful in your friend’s recovery. This page offers guidance on how to best support your friend.

When a person is sexually assaulted, keep in mind that their power has been taken away from them. As you are helping your friend, allow your friend to maintain control over what happens next. Offer information, and then let your friend make their own decisions including who they talk to, what services they access, and what actions they decide to take or not take. Even if you disagree with your friend, supporting them in making their decisions will help them feel more in control. When your friend remains in control, they will be better able to regain a sense of strength, power, and safety.